Take it or Leave it

“You’re thinking too much,” said Jake.

“No, I wasn't thinking enough,” I disagreed.

Now I know what you mean, folks. I’m thinking too much on things that I needn't think that much. Why tried to plan everything? I was simply too paranoid at pursuing perfect. Just let it flow!

        But to be honest, I don’t understand why it is so hard to make my plan works. I didn't ask much. All I want is to go to a club, dance, have fun, or just go to a nice bar and hang out with my friends. Why can’t I have it?

        Perhaps God meant to keep me from it. If I go out with friends every weekend, when do I get to work? If I become used to partying, clubbing, I waste way too much money and time on it, and probably ruin my health as well. Alcohol, staying up, go to MacDonald at 1 a.m, etc. All my friends in Taiwan are surprised that I want to go to parties. I was never like that back at home. I guess I am different here. “When you go to Rome, do what Romans do.” As an 8 month resident here, I have double identities of both traveler and resident. Sometimes I feel like I am so used to the life here and not missing home at all whereas sometimes I jump out of my life and start to evaluate everything from a Taiwanese standard (which make me feel poor and make a lot of things stupid :P)

        Through all these annoying experience, I realized that I am really not a submitting sheep. I am never good at just following others because I know what I want to do and I don’t see why I should sacrifice myself. All I need to do is to be braver and more direct about what I want, instead of blindly following others, especially when others actually have no clue what they are doing. I shouldn’t be afraid to lead others just for the sake of saving troubles and relieving pressure from myself. Because every time I want to go lazy, people either are clueless or not really take my will into consideration. I am always too caring and feeling obliged to make everyone in a group happy so I consider others more than myself. But the truth is, it’s not my responsibility at all! If they don’t like it, they should say it. And if what I suggest is not good, it’s not my fault either since I can’t predict it. After all, I am not a tour guide who is paid to entertain people. I’m just me, and I want to have fun in my own way. Take it, or leave it.